I spent today in my garden. Pruning my lavender and rose bushes, pulling weeds, and cursing myself for not doing it weeks ago. At one point I pulled at a weed so hard it knocked me off my feet (I wasn’t standing but crouched down) and I just stayed there. I sat there in the dirt and laughed. My husband was looking at me like I was crazy but when I explained he laughed too.
Life knocks us off our feet sometimes. We pull a little too hard and open what feels like the hate to hell. And whether it be love, anger, sadness, guilt, shame that knocks you down, the key is to these moments is what you do with it. In the last few months, I’ve felt every emotion, and most of those times I’ve sat in the dirt and cried until I was struggling to get out the mud. Drowning in my own tears.
Today despite all that is happening in the world, the sadness on my heart from missing my Nana I chose to laugh. I’ve chosen a sliver of joy. And I think she would be so proud of me for that.