homegirls & handgrenades
In a recent conversation, a friend and I were discussing 2020 and what we’ve learned. She’d spent weeks taking professional certifications and licenses all while managing the inevitable anxiety of uncertainness during a pandemic. Without thinking I got a bit jealous my mind raced in an effort to think of more than one thing I’d done, other than studying for my 200hr yoga certification, but nothing came. As I began to speak, my thoughts were interrupted by the words of my beloved Sonia Sanchez,
“No, honey she’s a lady who has lived life instead of writing about it.”
And I continued on, Yes Chile, 2020 has been a time of learning and besides my Yoga certification,
I learned to listen better, longer, and with more thoughtfulness than an intention to solve.
I learned to mourn. I’m still learning and missing my Nana. There are nights I sit in my dining room, lights low, playing John Mayers Stop This Train on repeat until all that’s left of me is a teacup filled with tears.
I learned to be thankful. Had 2020 not come in like a lion I certainly would not have had the time to bond with my sons in such a beautiful way.
I learned about my love. My husband and I have spent so much time together and while he got on my nerves at first we got back to the love we had before life, kids and adulting took over.
I learned to let down my guard. I don’t like being vulnerable, I don’t like asking for help but during this natural mystic, I let myself need and people surrounded me in love. There’s still a ways to go here but I know it will be worth it.
But most importantly I learned to be still. To just lay down, let my body rest, let my brain quiet and recharge. Stillness, something I haven’t experienced or allowed myself since college, helped me manage my anxiety, focus on blessings, and birthed some beautifully written works. Something I’ve missed.
Professionally all the boxes are checked, my credentials are stellar and far beyond many of my colleagues, so I know once I fully re-enter the business world I’ll be fine. However, 2020 has given me a new set of skills, many long forgotten in the quest to win the corporate rat race, and more importantly, it gave me back ME. I’ve reclaimed myself, I’ve become the lady that lives life, not just writes about it.
